physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
