In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
