Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
