So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
