I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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