Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's always time for handjobs
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
