Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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