Just fell off a train. Bad.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
