And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
