I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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