So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
