oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
