I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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