Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize