I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize