I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
