woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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