i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my poor anus
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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