Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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