He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
