It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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