your room smells of hookers.
And success
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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