the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
