Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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