I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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