Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
