So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
