if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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