She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
