Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
