high people should be assigned attendants
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
