Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
