So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Soap is not a condiment
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
