im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
