You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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