just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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