Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
