i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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