shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize