It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
