Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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