New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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