WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
