I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
