saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
