why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize