dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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