is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
