Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
