similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
