She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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