If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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