moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
