I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
