The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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