i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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