mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
