Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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