I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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