My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
