Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
