The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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