Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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