the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
