I think I died a long time ago.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
