trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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