Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize