remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
