my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
