So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
