bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
