you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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