Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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