Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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