I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need water and some morals
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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